~SPM result~

27 / 3 / 2010. 11.54AM.

         Wow, on the SPM examination days, I didn't got what I wanted.. Well, it's real disappointing furthermore I heard this sopo got straight A's..zz..Well I'm happy for her, but i'm gek sam in myself..Yea, I didn't get my results.. What I got is 2A 1A- 2B+ 2B 1C+ 1C... Hey, my results just almost the same with you..and mine is bit worser than you.. You think I don't have pressure on it? my family..My study..In the ns time I already have a VERY long thoughts of wanna continue study or not...EVEN before the results came out..I just ignored the results for a while..and i think,..Should or shouldn't i to continue to further study? Cause my parents keep encouraging me to straight go for my family business.. and i'm already laid a pressure by them on my shoulder.. it's okay, cause i'm the one to decide my future..They just kind of 'disturber', sorry no offence. something like a disturber sent by god itself.. and in the ns period, i've decided to straight work, regardless of what my results would be... Yeah, this decision is tough cause i'll need to face the real adult world, full of corruption and other things.. well, you can say that i don't values the results i've got, but in fact i really do gek sam..Why my trial exam i got 5A's and in real SPM examination I got worser? shouldn't it be better than trial results? cause trial exam are harder than SPM exam..Why?

            To ni. I know you know whom I subjected to. I really frustrated when i read your blog saying those comments in your fb is all nonsense... Hey, if really nonsense, why would i waste my time and cracking my brain? at the time after i read your notes in fb, to be frank i have a sincere feeling to 'tam' you, regardless it's NONSENSE for you..I didn't even thought of that you'll say that my comments are all nonsense..Yeah i admit i terasa,.. Cause i'm the only one who wrote the longest comment in your note..I REALLY Frustrated when you treat me AS NOT A FRIEND but a kind of STUPID people wanders on your profile and leaving stupid idiots comments.... did you ever feel what i felt? did you ever think there is people who got worser than you in SPM results whom wish to strives higher? Did you think i didn't put all my hard works for my SPM? If i didn't, what for I went for tuition wasting my money and time, went for many many group studies wasting my time and also money, what for i go to school to learn something? I know that you're really sad and couldn't think a better way..But do you know that my bro and sis only got an A and 2 A for SPM respectively? And now do you know how much they achieved? They didn't give up as you do..Cause they take this as a CHALLENGE for them. What about you? Yeah, getting straight A's or 7A above have many benefits... In a sense that family will happy for you, able to get scholarships or even sponsorship, easier to get in college and what's more? I'm frustrated.

           And now i've decide to take business course, finance and investment which is a last minute change of plan..And ni, i really hates that when you didn't value our friendship..Maybe i'm the one whom doesn't value yours first, and here i'm sorry. You'll sure won't accept my apology, but as friend of yours, i'm sorry on what i've done to you that you thought it's bad for you... And yeah, being pessimistic all the time would poison your body ni.. Can't everyone stay focus on what's good in themselves? why must us compare to each other like it's a must to do? (*)Why must we matters so much as other people's saying and thoughts? yea i still could not let go the point ;(*)...but i'm trying my best to change...to become a better one..for my family, and myself... Well , calm down.

PLKN Ends yesterday.

7.34 AM. 
          huhu, finally no more ns le~ for me la since it's over..^^..Well in ns, on the first month and few weeks, everything's just class class & class..-.-ll..it's okay, just always need to line up like kindergarten kids under the hot sun...one line by one line went into the class..-.-ll..in there i learned about character building, about our country and many more GUA, since i don't remember haha...since it's over le, i shouldn't be remembering every lesson lol.. bleh~ and yea, I'm already used to the life in there after a week..Geng leh! XD..But one thing i hate and wonder the most is why my camp, 1st batch, is full of 'smart' guys? especially the malay guys, keep causing trouble..maybe too nakal le ha,..till when went overboard = fight..lols..so many innocent guys & sometime girls got punished for no reason..altogether.. zz... at there of course i played with the gun m16, but it's kind of normal la, the feeling of shooting... just have a little bit of back thrust only..no more special than that..maybe the stink smell of the heated gunpowder and the loud sound produced from the gun..^^..


        The foods given there are in small portion..I understand that they need to allocate the food they cook just enough for 300+ trainess..but everyday in the end, there will be quite a number of foods left untouched..so basically logical if you wan more 'lauk', take a time to bath first, and go out eat..at that time not much people will be taking foods and you'll be considered as the last few trainess gonna take foods from them, of course they will give more than you imagined cause you'll see how much food left... The bad side is, even though they kind of work for years, but they still unable to estimate the number of foods gonna be given to the trainees each..sienz..haha.. And yea,  you'll have to sleep with 20+ peoples under a roof... so if you better not to have some bad problems with the guy stays with you cause they won't change your place anymore once it's decided..lol..every wednesday will come the buddha teacher teaching us..hmm, i can say i concentrated all the time de ok? XD...just that about 98% of the population in the class doesn't give a damn about it..pity them,,they just wasted a golden chance to get even more information,,lol..


     Then arh, in my camp you'll have many many role call in a day..cause they might be scared that someone will gone missing..haha..and yea, luckily my camp didn't have marching every afternoon. phew~ XD plus my camp always late give out phone de lo every saturday..T_T..sien lar like that,,cannot sms longer neh~  but now no worries, i'm free! Speaking of free, for me there is not much freedom for me..XD..maybe i just doesn't really like the course though..and yea, you have the right to not to do certain physical activity in my camp there...maybe thats just good..xD..but i did all the activity in there without backing up..bleh! xD i'm brave what..wakakaka self-conscious pulak..haha..


     And yea, psps neh for yesterday cause it is a rush outing lol...made you very tired neh i knew, but i glad to see you yesterday..=D..as healthy as always! ^^..and sorry neh for today, couldn't go out with you..there is pros and cons about this..i thought of it quite a time ba..^^..good thing is you able to rest more for the day since you got workings and all that from previous day, so it's sometime good for you to relax awhile in a day.. plus yesterday after having driving lesson straightaway need to go out again..it's kind of stress for you neh in my opinion..hehe...bad thing is i couldn't meet ya today lu~ T_T, caused of my carelessness in planning my schedules, i ruined it..=.=ll..well, i'm still very happy to meet you yesterday, the first day i'm back from my course..^^

Last day of 2010.

11.10 PM        31/12/2010

       Aloha guys!! Today is the last day of year 2010! How fast the time passes through ya. Not even realized it, I've already gone through stressful year and sat SPM examination. WoW. Fast. So today I went outing with SB. Sorry eh, that I didn't invite you along again. =X. Many things happened today, and a bad omen already shown to me in this early morning where I went to pick SB up. Which is, a little girl suddenly cried when she and her two elder bro(in my perception) either jog or run halfway through. I have no idea why, but the girl just cried. NO idea. Well, maybe that's just so coincidence. Ignoring that, we just continue go to the place we intend to go. Once we reach there, first thing is we went to find cinema..LoL, I too long didn't go there le, bit forgotten where is the cinema, but I still remember the images of the cinema's surroundings.. Lucky me perhaps? xD.  But in the end I still have no choice but to look onto the map they provided. And then we found em. And get our tickets..lols

       After collection tickets, we walk aimlessly finding restaurant to eat.. LoL! Stupid dao. Want eat what also don't know meh? LOL.. XD.. So I just simply pick the restaurant name and we just go there to have our meals. =D..The environment in the restaurant is bit cold, but that's okay. Except one thing, that is both of us ordered Ice Blended drink. LOL!! You should know what happens next. Which is, the drink made our body feels very cold especially me, I shiver the most and very obvious..Hahaha...In the middle of meal, we heard baby cried again..What a bad omen to me..Hmmph!! After meal, time's up for movie! Which is Death Bell 2(18). A psychotic movie I would say, not a horror movie though.. At first I was worried that I unable to pass through the tickets collector when we going in. But we just passed through em like we're already adults..haha We just 17 years old! XD Lucky us.. In the end of the movie, they showed us some 'behind the scene' in that movie. Which is REALLY hilarious lol. The actor just simply apply the 'CPR' on the girl he wants to save, in a quick way that looks very funny..hahaha..

       After finished the movie, we kind of unsatisfied that we didn't really get a real shock from the 'horror' movie. So we go for second movie, which is 'My Ex : Haunted Lover(18)'. In the first movie we didn't really cuddled but just little bit of leaning to each other. In the second movie we started to cuddled together and the seat we've took is quite near to the screen till the sound released by the speaker is quite loud lol.. Swt thing was, in most scene the movie didn't actually frightened me(sure will a little, but not that much), but in most 'crucial'(where the movie will scare you off) scene, SB just shocked, shocked and shocked, which made me actually 'shocked' too..=.=ll..LOL..Geng la u, can shock me..hahaha...That movie is not bad compared to the first movie we went...So fast it's evening already. So we took our dinner at there too, then we started to head back. We walked slowly, slowly cause don't really wanted to go back that early. Cause today is our last day outing in year 2010. And this Sunday I need to go for NS already. We just VERY 'bu she de' each other's company. VERY.>.

            So we sat at the monorail station for quite long, intended to miss quite a number of monorail there. We just want to stay to each other's side longer. But somebody had to break the ice and declare to continue our journey to home. And so SB did. Cause it's quite late already back then, I'm so sorry that I didn't actually cared your consequences of being home late. So sorry for that. So after we got down from monorail and got up in a public bus that heading home, in the middle journey of going back home where we're still in a public bus, I found coins twice LOL which is 5cents and 20 cents..LOL YENG siaa..xD I'm Lucky! =D. Then we reached SB's nearby house, and we got down from the bus. I walk with SB slowly and slowly, took a very long bridge and we hugged there. And so we continue our journey to SB's house. Slowly walk and walk and walk. I don't know you did or not, but I've tried my best to hold on my tear from flowing back then. Just don't want to see your sad face too. >..<.. And so SB went home and I too start my own journey to my own house. On the way to the bus stop, my eye suddenly keep on producing watery tears.. Heartache.. Then before I reached bus stop, I tried my best to stop my tear for a while. But sometimes just flow back and luckily i managed to stop em again. And then I reached my house sound and safe..XD Thats all! RAWR!! Welcome 2011!!! =D

What's wrong with me?

29/12/2010  11.20 PM

      ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's wrong with me? My temper getting worser and worser..My emotion getting more mixed up.. I don't want this. Yet there is a person who's playing with my patience in the link I shared in Facebook. I wonder why. I HATE him since when form 4 or form 5. He was irritating. Yes, he's smart. I do admit. But he keeps annoy me in my fb wall. I couldn't take it anymore..REALLY COULDN'T! Yeah it's fun when you saw you successfully made someone FUCKING pissed off and the person couldn't do anything to you. But why you just can't respect me? Why you can't at least understand my feeling? I'm not your TOY.. I have my emotions too.

      I've already kept silence for most of the time when we fought, literally. But when I think and think and think.. Is this really my fault? There's one case where, I said something I shouldn't to him, Ok thats fine. It's my fault for saying that, but at that time, you asked me to FUCKING repeat that word i said. And the end results is, you somehow GOT pissed off too cause I respected you as friend and i just repeat it, perhaps you can't hear it. Now at that time you said something like 'parent's didn't taught their sons well'...WELL don't tell me your's don't? Is this good to making fun of other parent's name? You good at debate, studies too. But you have weakness too.. I'm literally poor at debate and studies. At least i'm physically healthier than you since you sucks at sports. So what? Do you need to STEP on me every time you have chance? I know I came from the FUCKING last class, is that  the attitude you show to the 'poor little less educated guy'? Is that what you guys DISLIKE the students from last class? I know I STUPID. But PLEASE don't ACT innocent as you've done nothing wrong.. IT'S DAMN IRRITATING!!

      In the recent fb post, I did tell you stop asking me as I really no idea of, but you just wouldn't hear, and keep on asking. Now I've reached the EDGE of my patience.. I'm DAMN PISSED!!!!! So what?? What can I do? NOBODY will really understand nor RESPECT my feeling. It's not that I cannot joke with, but you WENT WAY TOO OVERBOARD every time. All those word you thrown at me is like you said something good. Something that is SOOO innocent. I'm a human too, I have my fragile feelings. You really made me very very very pissed off. And I just can't do anything. Hopeless. Yeah my tears flow as I wrote this post. Cause this time I am REALLY PISSED off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a big laugh then. I HATE YOU! What can I do>? Just being continue toyed by you. Nothing else. I'm no good at words. But those knowledge isn't used to toy or mess or whatever it is to those who have lesser advantages. I HAD ENOUGH! I really hope there would be someone to help me, assists me, back me up....I couldn't take this anymore.. Really couldn't...I had enough...Nobody will be there for me anyways.. Tears~

Confession.

03.01PM  25th of December.

   Oh well, it's quite unexpected for me to post another post that quick, but something happened today. As you know, the title saids all. I was invited by some of the gang on the day before today to come for yam cha just to give them the presents I've forgotten to give them yesterday. And, when they reached the appointed place, something getting weirder and weirder. The atmosphere, situation, emotions and many things.. Then at that time a friend that was sitting next to me typed in her phone, a message form that asking that "do I know what the another girl wanted to say to me later?" Then now I able to guess. Cause if not mistaken, last month that this friend asked me, she told me that this girl likes me. And of course, I'll not believe it, till those words came from her mouth. Finally, she confessed to me. In front of her friends. I was the only guy there. All was girl. By that time she confessed to me, I was like, OMG. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and i kept silent for almost 1 hour(not entirely silent, but it's very obvious that i talk least than i were before she confessed)...zzz...at that time, i just kept smiling, but that doesn't mean i'm happy because finally got a girl confessed to me, but i'm really VERY shocked. I just kept giving everyone a 'fake' smile.

       Now I was guilty, I doesn't want her to cry because of me and I really do hope she could finds a BETTER guy than me. My bad doings doesn't worth for her tears. Well those who reads this post sure ask "why doesn't you accept her? why?". Umm, actually first, currently I like another girl already, and I wouldn't take her as a 'backup' plan just in case anything bad happen. I wouldn't. Second, I didn't know her very well and perhaps she overall personalities doesn't really suits me(I didn't mean she had a bad personalities, but not every lock is accessible by a key). I'm really sorry that I've given you a great disappointment, but I REALLY VERY appreciates your confession and I DO admires your bravery. You're the first one who confessed to me, I really do appreciates it.

     Perhaps it's time for me to pay another visit to the nature. Nature is just the best medication I can ever find, you might not seen it, but the sounds of the nature really do help you solve your problems, even though the nature are not directly speaking to you. It's all understood. Feel the fresh air they gave, feel the calmness they provide, and you'll know what's for the best.  Really thank you R, and sorry. I started to visit nature in this year, so as you can see that before this I also the one who doesn't like to take a walk with nature. Once you walk with them as they surrounding you, You'll know what i'm talking about.

Christmas~~~

10.30 PM  24th of December~


     Aloha guys!! =D Today I have quite much fun with my friends..=D But we soon to be split up into out owns interest of entertainment after we ate together(some eat only, excluding me...but i eat free food!haha). Some choose shopping, some choose cinema. Well, actually today B supposed to go out with another person(C) like normal outing, an one on one date, but B are quite not used to that cause that is B's first time outing with C. Actually quite funny though, =D B are quite nervous about this because B just thought this is just isn't comfortable enough since both will surely awkward to actually strikes up a normal conversation during they met. XD.. Luckily I was also hanging out with my gangs at the same place. When C is arrived, B is getting more and more nervous(in my perception la) to meet C as B REALLY think this is NOT RIGHT! RAWR! hahaha... I reach that place with B together, so as usual we'll hang out together to kill a little bit more time while waiting friends to come...>.


     Well, when C said arrived at the appointed place, we couldn't see C. LOL! So we decided to go to the appointed location. Yet, B couldn't found C. Oh my, really have no fate to meet. LOL.. B said that too..hahaha..So near YET so far..xD.. C is waiting right behind the big Christmas tree and we are looking for C RIGHT in front of the big Christmas tree..LOL!! Then when we met, there'll sure some awkwardness, cause C actually did not planned any activities when outing with B..so do my gang..oh how miserable..hahaha..actually my gang planned something, but due to too many people wants different activities, so we split into smaller groups.. oh well, B, you are quite lucky cause that day my gang was hanging out there too, if not, i wonder how will you handle C and vice versa..wakakakaka...At least you able to reduce your awkwardness with C and have bit more fun when a larger group is together..haha..One bad thing, that is, we went over 3 different places just to survey the prices in karaoke..we've wasted about 1 hour plus just for that..-.-ll..And we ARE quite exhausted just to walk for nothing..Ah, one more thing, is when we switch place from A to B, a young salesman asked me to sign my name and obviously later on will need to buy something from him lar, but I didn't, XD and yet B said I don't know how to write my name..!! =.=lll.. OMGosh, really ZADAO..-.-ll..And when we decided to go back the original place(the starting point where everyone meets), that young salesmen tapped lightly at my shoulder to promote his thing...LOL when the salesman saw my face his face gone O.O??? hahahaha, and we just went away to the starting point..=x..Finally we couldn't get to sing karaoke cause the time is late. So me,B and C went for movie, Narnia : Voyage of the something..haha 


       Well, that movie is quite good I would say, =D. After we finished watch movie, we went for our dinner. Something happened...B and C actually unable to withstand the chili's spicy-ness..AND YET! They ate it, after B took it one, biting em..Wow, so nice..hahaha...finally you got what you want..Nothing happened eh? but after few seconds, something really bad happened.. XD... B could felt the spicy-ness of the chili B ate. XD..zadao, if you know that's a trap, why would you risk yourself ? -.-ll. really make me bit worried lol.. Then we took a walk around the place, aimlessly..hahaha...cause nothing really can be done at that time, it's late...Oh yeah, today I and B met 3 guys(from other country, they are white, haha, and have big muscle..O.O) quite many times..haha..We have fate to met each other aren't we? XD..One worst thing, I forgot to give them Christmas present to some of my gang! RAWR!! How forgetful are you Law? -.-ll..And I even nearly forgotten to give Christmas present to B too..haha, what a relieve that i suddenly REMEMBERED! wohoo! lucky your brain isn't dead yet, Law..wakakaka...On the way back with B, we saw many neon lights hanging on the trees and street..The scenery was sooo beautiful..xD.. Now I guess i'll wait till 12AM and wish everyone i knew MERRY Christmas even though right now i'm quite worn out..T_T..And, One more week. That i'll go to attend national service, for 3 months...Aww, going to be 'botak' le..too bad..hahaha but no worries! My hair will surely grow back, =P. You can only laugh me for a period of time jek..Muahahaha,..xD

Value the present, improvise the past and fight the future

10.28AM 19 December 2010 :

       Aloha guys!! How are you been doing? =D.. I can see that some friend of mine is afraid of engaged into relationship. Like a male friend of mine, he is afraid of confessing his love anymore to the one he liked after having many rejections emotionally and physically in the past. There are also certain cases like mine, got 'severely' hurt in the past, whom are also afraid of engaging a new relationship, because we knew we're kind of incapable. Maybe we're too clingy to the past, and afraid to face the future. I admit it I used to be clingy to the past. Always hoping my last relationship will ever come back to me, but now finally I've moved on. I tried the very best of mine to stand on my feet again last time. And I can say that this is successful. Even though the past 2 days I saw my ex. Well, that was rather very surprising. When i saw her, most of the thing hit me back, the lost love. As in I've been injected some special medicine, whom made once again I very nervous and feeling my knees is going to the ground, strength-less. I immediately 'evacuate' myself from that particular place, but the 'poison' is already inflicted into my body, no matter how far I run away from her.

        I struggles as I walk, breath and stand. By that time, I KEEP convincing that it's already over, live on K.A! And when I was on the way home, my tears came out by it's own, only one drop each from my eye. Maybe that was the last drop of tears I would cry for her. And I'll start to move on my life. I shall not cling to my past. So do you need to do. Nobody wants to cling on their past. No matter what brings us to the future, I believe i will work my hardest to overcome it. Once again, I felt intense heartache after knowing that she is sad. Not because of the lost love. Last time occasionally at night i would cry for her, my ex, my lost love(i know this sounds STUPID but this is what i did). But recently past few months that this 'routine' is getting lesser and lesser. I know one day that this would gonna stop eventually. That i'll stop to cling on her. Stop to hope that she will be around my arms again. I really MISS this intense heartache even though it DOES pain. Welcome back this feeling, I've been waiting you for so long. And now you're back. Really, Welcome back , mysterious feeling.

        Maybe this was too sudden, but right now I've no interests to anyone anymore for another long period of time,as I shall lay no interests in other girl for a long time. I used to like this girl for years last time since i was form 2, but I really don't know i DID have special affection towards her, not until she gets a boyfriend. That time, I could feel something missing. An opportunity. An indirect opportunity she gave me. I've wasted the golden chance. But now I've found another one, a new replacement for both of them. a brand new breath. A new life. New hope. New aim. Even though now you're just like me, clingy to the past, but I shall wait till the days that a new bud is born. And the old one is gone. I hope the flower will born. I shall nurture it, regardless how long I need to care for it, till it blooms. Maybe now   have mixed feeling, but I'll hold on till these two things are separated, and one shall live, the another dies.

Quotes : Value the present, improvise the past and fight the future

O.O

That sentence is very sharp indeed.

Nostalgic

10/12/2010 12.32 AM

Well, your face reminds me of her. It's so nostalgic. >.< . I could not stop thinking of her back then. Could not stop looking at your face. Cause your face are so similar to hers, bittersweet. Wonder when i'll meet you again. Wanted to look at your face again. Just like looking at her, without being noticed.. ARGGHH....I shouldn't think of that..

(maybe this is the shortest post i ever posted! XD)

Dislikes

3^rd December 2010 ,  11.25 P.M

Aloha~!! Kombanwa! Hopefully this won’t be an essay ba hahaha.

                Up till recently, indirectly I started to grow my hatred toward this person,A, my best friend. Don’t know why, perhaps jealousy or envy. But I could feel that our distance, step by step, going further, without noticing. My friend told me that A nearly wanted to fight (debate) with me, but A did not, A just patience. But one thing I knew, I too did this before to another friend. Maybe because to stop myself from diving too deep, I choose to hate the person to back up, not wanting let any parties feeling bad.  But my act was too obvious, as in I immediately cut the apple into half. I don’t know what other way to back up without noticing, since I’m still an amateur. Well, I don’t want to, but I don’t know why I can’t stand watching that.

                (4^th December 2010, 9.32 AM)I’ve been complaining to B about my group study, and she listened. Now I made B develops negative feeling. Gomenasai neh~! I shouldn’t have do so. My bad my bad..

                As a result of being self-centered, conflicts occur. And being not aware of other people’s feeling(maybe even ignored other people’s feeling) hatred occurs. Yeah I agree that everyone is tend to become selfish (similar to tend to become electronegativity.XD) but practicing those till to the limit of someone is really bad. And act like nothing happen. This is so horrible.

                Anyway, now I’ve left 2 more paper to go in my major examination, SPM. From the first day of exam, the time seemed long, but now I’ve already sat for 7 papers. Time passes that quickly aren’t they? And from the bottom of my heart, I wish my entire friend a very best of luck in their next paper, no matter what it would be! I hope that every SPM candidates able to successfully answer the entire question in the paper instead of hoping the question are easy one.  =D The shortest blog I ever post perhaps? XD

Friend

06/11/2010 – 12.26 AM

Aloha guys~! I’m here again! >.  Hmm, shall we start then? I guess we should, many people been complaining about a-too-long-blog.. hahaha I guess this is my style then..blek! XD

This person just recently broke up, this person’s situation is similar to mine, real similar, just still have difference. I guess I should not compare. This person been staying strong for ‘it’s’ loss(sorry, I didn’t mean you’re an animal, just to keep your identity anonymous, xD), just like me. But things are not that easy though, now there’s shield around it, trying it’s best to protect it’s master from hurt anymore. Hehe. I wonder how long you will take to recover? Perhaps this person needs 1 week or 2 week? Or even a year?? Hmm, it’s a hard guess though because even I’m unsure of myself too. Lols! Yerr, everyone does hate the downside, but when there is light, there will have darkness too.

This is a piece of advice from me, hehe, well even though myself can’t even fulfill those advice. If you cry because of this matter, this shows you DO care about that person, regardless of what that person have done to you. Well, tear is the fireworks of love. I wonder when will the fireworks end , where as well as the tears end flowing. Which means finally you’re able to let it go. Sometimes the fireworks are beautiful and sometimes it’s ugly. In this case, the fireworks may be ugly. Hehehe, no offence . whenever you came across that person, it brings you down, like me. lol. I hate that feeling. But I just can’t control over it, just simply can’t. And yet, when it comes across you, you are VERY curious, even though that person has nothing to do with you, in the end, you most probably end up being sad.

          Tried to hate that person, but can’t. Try to forget it, can’t because the images just flowing in my mind without boundaries. And most stupid things is, most of the time I tried to protect her (eg fame, name, person …) which makes me DUMB. Lol.  Well, I hope you will find your soul mate as soon as possible and all the best for you pal! Perhaps this works and perhaps I’m wrong. Correct me please.

~Cupid is Blind~ & ~Mistakes~

1^st November, 2010

5.04 P.M.

Aloha everyone! Here I come! Blog again! xD, but this time doesn’t really looks well though. LoL. Let’s get started then! => .

          Hmm, today I heard from my friend that a guy started to chat with her, thru her facebook wall. Well, once I heard this guess what? I’m again trying to fake out that ‘why the hell I should care?’ but at the end, I couldn’t stop myself asking about the details such as how long he’s been chatting thru her wall. Then I got disappointed of course and also glad at the same time. Why?? I’m glad because she finally able to find another guy who’s way more better than me whom robbed her ‘security’. And then the whole day I couldn’t stop thinking of her. That’s a very sad case.

        Today I even thought of doing something really stupid, and yet I’m going to do it sooner or later. Even though I would say that is simply impossible. Maybe I was just pushing my luck over the edge, I guess. . Well as the topic stated, “cupid is blind” and I do agree to my friend, Aaron said that “Something once broken will never be the same as it used to be no matter how we mend it” Umm, this is so coincidence even though not official yet, that is one of my newly made friends actually at the same church activities with her and obviously other gang, which means, they might be in the same church and even knew each other for a long time. LoL

          And another cases happened in my school, which is my classmates done something that’s very wrong as long as he’s in the school(I mean still studying in the school). It is correct that you unleash all your feelings instead of keeping it shut, and I agree you won’t able to stop yourself from doing anything(E.G scolding) when the anger strikes you. But I don’t really think there’s a point where he unleashes his feelings towards his teacher through a public social network’s website.

          Let’s us put into the shoe of the victim, the teacher. If you’ve already been refraining yourself from doing anything harsh to that person even though that person is wrong for a very long time, and in the results you only get all the harsh scolding from that person regardless of what you’ve done to him, is that what you wanted to get(even though you don’t want anything from him)? My friend is really intelligent, I admit this but this intelligence made him became very arrogance. He even said a very rude things directly towards teacher recently (just stating her name, did not tag it)

          Well, let’s think this rationally, without any offence. If you didn’t turn up your assignment since the beginning of the year, and coincidently the teacher said the results of this examination’s total will be over 90% instead of 100%, where the 10% is from your assignment which most assignment are already been discussed and completed thru discussions. Well, and this student still wants to get his 10% back no matter what(at beginning). In the results, it’s obvious that he would lose the war since he did not even reconsider of doing the teacher’s assignment since the beginning. Yes, I agree that those who got their 10% mark mostly would say that “yeah, we deserved to get it.” And I should not butt in to the case he’s in right now. Including me. But that is not the problem, even the friend of mine who really doesn’t get any bonus mark(assignment mark) from teacher and yet he said the right thing. If you did not pass up your assignment in middle school, how would you wanted to get the bonus mark that’s supposed to given to the “hardworking” student. I’m not on any side but this situation is similar to “teacher, I didn’t do any of your assignment. Give me the full bonus mark”. Well, this sounds funny but it’s the truth. Well, people said that teacher is gone overboard, but why don’t you think of it that you too went overboard? If homework is not important, why does the teachers still giving you lots and lots of assignment to do to waste your time? Why don’t they find a way more better way to help the student? Yes sometimes it’s bias and sometimes it is not.  At this point it’s very clear that I’m against him, but those who are with him is also wrong. Well, let’s try to imagine that we’re in the same case as he did. Here I begin. I didn’t even completed one of her work since she teaches me. Now at the end of the year(form 5)’s trial examination results,my teacher suddenly deduct my 10 marks(which is crucial) just because I didn’t finish my homework. Well, at this point I also will think that the teacher is WENT WAY TOO OVERBOARD just to teach me and the other classmates a lesson of not being passing up homework, without any “warnings”. This case happens when you supposed to get A+ but with deducted marks became only A or when you supposed to get A and you got A- and so on. I do agree that teacher is a cruel to her students but all the responsibilities shouldn’t be blamed on teacher when the students didn’t give a damn for the assignments she gave. Well, this might be karma or teacher wants it “an eye for an eye”

Time

12.11AM  17^th September 2010

Wow, time been passing quite fast huh? Anyway, aloha~!! Hehehe..realizing, it’s already 5 month passed since I broke up with my ex. LoL . That doesn’t sound pretty right? =>. Who will ever remember the date that they’ve broken up? Hahaha, well frankly speaking I don’t, but I do save the essential dates in my phone, =x somewhere. Ahaha, that’s why I said that my phone’s full of secrets, just that you don’t realize. Hehe, please don’t try to find out, It’s ugly. ^^. I’ve been thinking over time.. Recently I keep avoiding myself to be in contact with her, not recently, but right after the broke up. And recently  , (^^) I thought of something that enlightens me up. Really enlightens me up. Which is, “if I couldn’t accept myself, how could I accept the others?”. I asked myself that, and I guess it’s the time to “start this all over again”(derived from the “untitled – simple plan”. I’m hearing that song right now. xD). =>

Well, let’s say up to dates thingy, ^^ if you wish to read more. Hehe. On 15^th September 2010 night, I went to my newly made friend’s birthday party, and the person we’re celebrating with is a girl. I guess it’s an advance birthday party, I’m not certain of that though. Well, obviously you guys will thought of something different, which is I might lay my interests on her, but please don’t do that ya. Because she already had a boyfriend and I wouldn’t ruin their life. I definitely wouldn’t, no matter how beautiful she are. =x (it’s not an offence ya). Well, before I start, I would like to thank his boyfriend whom took all the troubles just to fetch me home, safe and sound. Well surprisingly, he also stay nearby my area. Ahaha, that’s why I said, I won’t lay my interest on his girlfriend. Ahahaha I’m just joking. xD. Well, I do envy that the kind of relationships they had, and I secretly prayed for their eternal bond and happiness during on my way home after party. =x. shh!! Ahaha. Well guess what? Her boyfriend gave her a phone( SE w990 if not mistaken) as a present !! OMG!! It’s so nice. ^^

Hmm, I guess I’ve nothing to say eh, since this time is not really sad post. Ehehe, since I thought my blog would be the post of my dissatisfaction or sadness or something related to it. Well, I guess you’ll find it little for a quite light mood posts I had. Then see ya next time. Oyasumi ! =x

12.29 AM 17^th September 2010

Anxiety

10/09/2010 1.35 a.m.

Aloha~! I’m sorry ya, so long did not blog again..hehehe..shall we start? xD..Yer, yesterday I went to times square with my friend to have some fun out there..Well, it’s quite fun I would say that and also quite bad for my own sake. ^^. Anything’s fine but the worse thing is, jealousy is keep attacking me since both my friends I knew there are coupled and they seems quite compatible to each other, I really do envy that. ^^. Well, just in case you’re the person whom I’m talking and came across this, please don’t put in your mind and just keep it to yourself; this is just my temporary expression. Hehehe. Well, it’s not only looking them made me jealous, well, those coupled strangers also made me extremely jealous, making me remind of my “nice and pain” past. Well, got one thing that is quite lame , that is, my friend’s friend keeps jumping the song’s queue until I couldn’t sing much song, but that’s okay, I don’t really mind that. =>. I really felt that I’m crazy or what, still can’t let go this pain. Since that is already past. The anxiety of grabbing the hand of your loved ones is something that is very new and mysterious to me, where I did not hold her hands for my past love. This anxiety keep torturing me for months, as I’m craves to know that all sorts of things or feelings that I can feel when I’m holding the hand of my loved one. Well, right now is obviously no chance for me but I hope that I can attain that sensations as soon as possible, I’m dying for it! >.

I guess the only way for me to forget her is to get a new one, a new replacement. This place used to be a great source of energy that allows me to do anything. And now it’s all gone, leaving big scars behind it. But the matter is who will attain my trustworthy and moves my heart once again? Who? -.-ll. I realize that recently I could even more hardly to share my things around, as I don’t really believe anyone right now. Not even one, entirely. Who will step into my life again? I keep wondering as time passes. But well, if you just keep wondering and not putting any efforts in it is also useless, nothing will be gained without an effort.

Well, last Monday I went for sing karaoke with my two best friends. That day really hurts my feeling as they keep modifying the song’s lyrics and keep mentioning her. In the beginning it was fine, but in the very end I really couldn’t hold myself anymore, as that song they sang keep repeat the name of her and repeat since the lyrics also do the same but to different person. So both of my best friends keep teasing me with various kind of song until the last song, which made me very^3 moody until I thought of going home straight, ignoring them. Well, that song really drew my tears out, I’m still trying my best to hold my tear off. But it’s just flow. The sensation of having a big cry is there for me, but I couldn’t do that, I need to keep it to all myself! I don’t want made others worry about me anymore, so every day I keep insisting that I had to make a fake smile when I’m not smiling naturally to let them least suspicious towards me. well, one of my best friend scolded me regardless of my stupidity. Yeah, I’m stupid, I admit. Sometimes I do thought of I’ll rather the become the stupid one again. =<. You just don’t know how much you meant for me. Please don’t pity me, I don’t worth it.

~~~END~~~~2.26am

Quotes : The words are easy to say, but the wounds are hard to heal. If I can atone my mistakes by just a say, I don't think everyone will need a time to heal

The wallpaper that I've edited

My first wallpaper i edited(without any extra tools)

My second wallpaper that I've edited(with extra tools)... ^^

A big difference huh? XD

Headache

10/07/2010 – 11.59 P.M.

      Aloha guys~!~! Kombawa~ Good evening! XD..Hmm.. I didn’t expect to write another new post geh…but somehow I feel I wanted to do it. ^^..Today, I went to work with my brother at his workplace lo.. Suddenly feeling wanna go to work today because I think it’s due to some egoism that I had earlier on, which is yesterday(Friday) when I went to my brother’s workshop to wait him to fetch me home.. O.O>? Is the first expression when I saw him, my cousin. Lol.. he also came to work on that day as well~! How surprisingly!! Haha..maybe that’s why I wanted to work today. ^^

      Hmm, when I’m home, I somehow like indirectly think of that issue.. That my cousin going to work everyday (since last time he got some family problems, he’s not going to school for some time. It’s all because of his sister. I really do hate her). And now, I think and think and think, wondering that is he now better than me? Is he performing better than me?(and many more) O M G~! Then that might a point I feeling wanted to go to work at first , I did not go there work for quite a time..second, I wanted to check him out(to compare those thoughts I have thought.).

      Hehe, how selfish am I. =X. Well, the result is, he went there just for few days only(which means he started to learn), in these few days he did not learn much(perhaps of his status-conscious too, like don’t want to hear advice or thought he’s at least more powerful than other employee), and he did not hesitate to say a vulgar words. Lols..How busybody am I ya..haha..One more thing..this is funny..xD..When I go buy lunch with him, we ordered ‘chicken rice’. He ordered a normal 1 and so do I. But the difference in the early stage is he straight order extra rice(a big one)..lol..then I keep thinking until I ordered the same thing. Haha…that is obviously ‘ego’..something like, you can eat so much why can’t i? hahaha…

      The best result I gain today is, I got a headache on the evening..Maybe I didn’t eat for the evening session or thinking too much + did not have an enough sleep. XD..Now I at least glad that my cousin did not follow his sis’s footsteps (MAYBE only, he might be the spy of my family, for her sis who ran away from home.) and I really hope that his sis will wake up as soon as possible from her ‘blind’ love.

Love is blind. I do admit it. I do knew that my ex was somehow a ‘playboy’(I dunno what’s called for female..^^) but I still believe her that she’s not. Not until she leaves me that night. Well, all her friends that knew me said that I’m really DUMB to choose her. That’s why when the one clarifies clearly that they’re leaving you, you will finally open your eyes. Those statement does not mean I very hate my ex, instead, I would like to say ‘THANK YOU’ again for teaching me so much thing from the beginning till the end. It’s just that I’m not the right candidate for her after spending time together for some time. =) Thanks ya. ^^

Well, if I’m not sleeping ASAP, I will have a big trouble tomorrow since I need to wake up early(at least not after afternoon..xD..then you know what that ‘early’ means,,xD) to prepare myself to revise with my best friend! Haha.. Oyasumi nasai minna! Good night everyone!  Don’t miss me ya~! =P

Quotes : When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them. - Confucious.

12.30 A.M – 11^th JUNE 2010.

Feeling a little bit disappointing.

07/07/2010 – Wednesday. 9.05 P.M.

Aloha guys~!! Hehe, I’m back! ^^..Well, what’s wrong with the title? Hehe, well actually, yesterday morning I just got to know that today’s public duty (for St. John Ambulance) has been canceled due to unknown/unclear reason. Well, that was disappointing cause just because for today’s public duty, I wasted quite a money just for transport to Carefour to get the freaking “name tag” which is needed for that kind of duty..Well, that dealer is also a problem..From my perspective, he don’t give a damn about my order until I said, “it’s urgent”..Then he started to call the guy whom is making the name tag of mine and saying that the next day(yesterday) the tag will arrive. Man it’s disappointing & I saw through his sarcasm when he tried to convince me that he’d called the guy last time, but not yet done. Well, now I’ve got my name tag and I should be grateful too.

Hmm, today at my school rained cats and dogs until my class’s electricity got cut off because of the frequent growling lightning from the sky..LOLs..It’s was frightening because for the first strike, I saw my friend jumped and I jumped too(because he made me jumped..haha)…Not long after that, my mood started to change.. I certainly dislike this mood and I tried to be as cheerful as possible and ignore that cruel mood. Well, it just won’t wear off because maybe the lightning made me remembered some bitter past, I guess. Well, one more thing.. =). I’m really happy that I helped my friend (by wishing) that (his/her)’s (GF/BF) will treat (him/her) as usual since there is some conflicts between them and right after my wish thru the MSN, (his/her)’s (GF/BF) somehow like immediately treat (him/her) as usual. ^^. Well, it’s magical for me or perhaps that my wish is really sincere. T_T.

Now I’ve done the 2^nd wallpaper editing and I’m quite satisfied with the current level I’m in right now. Thanks to my friend, who supplied me extra things for the photo editing, without him, my wallpaper would be suck as usual. XD. Well, I’ve nothing to say right now already. Hehe . Good Luck everyone on pursuing their goals! Gambateh ! Hwaiting ! Jia you !  =)

Surprisingly..

16 JUNE 2010 (10.22PM)

Aloha~!Kombawa~! Anyeongsaeyo~! Ni hao~!  I’m here again! Hehe.. psps la that my blog is like an essay..hehe..Hmm..Tonight was a little surprising..Why I said that? My brother brought his GF to my house to eat dinner!!That time I just woke up,so I don’t feel anything special.. Then when I almost walked out of my room, I saw my brother’s friend(I don’t really know that girl is his GF since I’m blurring.xD)..So I just keep staying in my room to try to get to online(arghh…Damn line..getting worser nowadays..T_T) but failed..Then I started to think..How come my brother only bring 1 guest and female some more? Hohoho..Something’s not right(started to suspect that girl is his GF)..then I overheard my relatives conversation…Then *pop!* in my mind…So that is his GF…Surprisingly neh…Diam diam ubi berisi huh? >.<..Thinking of GF issue I immediately felt SAD! Sigh..Buden I would not say to my brother that “ DON’T TAKE GF LA..NO GOOD..SURE END WITH TEARS DE..” ..lols..even I stayed with my brother everyday, yet I still don’t know his personal things..lol..what a disgrace.. =x..

One question:

1)      Right now, think. Whom you CURRENTLY like?( please ignore the anti love or something. Just think, nowadays what made you feel so interested on that particular guy/girl)?

2)      If you can’t think of it, think again(=X), when somebody’s name being said(please opposite sex ya..) do you [immediately/tried to] look on the source of the sound and tried to figure out what’re they saying about?

3)      If you do, then I bet you’ve a little interest on him/her..Doesn’t matter how MUCH interest you’ve laid on that person right now.

4)      If so, then go after it. Don’t wait until the opportunities is expired..Do it slow and steady, I bet everyone doesn’t like an annoying fella keep disturbing his/her personal time..hahaha

5)      Ask him/her out(don’t too frequent, cause will burn ur purse out =P). Try to understand that person bit by bit. Argue with him/her(quite fun you know when you’re debating with the 1 u liked )

6)      Do something to pick his/her attention(don’t too obvious, don’t let the person know you have an interest on that person so that you guys will keep do the usual thing)..

7)      Have some special secrets between you(make sure you DO believe that person). I guess that’s fun..haha..cause nobody will understand what you guys talking when onto that particular topic..XD

I’m a guy who easy to fall in love but hard to fall out of love..Thats why who mess with me will got messed..LOL..Just kidding..I keep wondering…Who will walk into my life, AGAIN? T_T..Just like the song “I just haven’t met you yet – Michael buble”.. =>..which will make me more relieved..hahaha..i’m lame.

A little bit lifeless..^^

03/june/2010 12.44am..

Aloha guys~! Hehe, i'm back again..but nothing special la..just needed to express my feelings? LOL.. If you knew me then just read and forget them, not worth to remember it, even those who did not knew me. hehe..Well, last month night, on the great night(it's called IU night) near ending of the IU night, i broke up with my gf .... Aiyoyoyo~! So noob de lu. Lols.. ya lo..i could not lock her heart huh? XD .. Well i guess yeap...Hmm...On the night, as i viewed surrounding me, everyone is very happily shouting to the models(On that time is fashion show)...While as i'm opening the message and read, I'm stunned for a while, and when i wanted to reply, was halfway typing, a friend saw me keep on texting and he messaged me to ignore the 'texting' awhile and enjoy the show just for a moment..Then so be it..I was 'watching' the fashion show, with some 'cheerfully' face...shouting for no reason, maybe that time is very very noisy until i had the opportunity to shout as hard as i could..maybe to release my tension ? LoL! aiyo,in the msg she told me she think(not confirmed) she liked other guy, and might leave me soon..just might...Thats the time when i'm really stunned, don't know what to do... Man? Is this my own delusion? Is she just kidding me? Then i tried to look away( i observe the surrounding) and look back to my message again..Man! This ain't going away ! This has to be true! Omg!! sigh ~ The long awaited time...to be hurt again....My mood gone down tremendously while my physical body do the opposite... Well, then i reply her message to declare a break up..an end between us...Now you guys sure thought i'm a playboy...declare break-up like drinking a cup of water..lol..Sigh, I wanted to tell her this "I let you go because i love you, i don't want my beloved to be unhappy while being with me and i really wish you happiness with your new guy" (i hope he treats you better than me).. but i think that was unnecessary even though that's what i really meant it...lol...When i'm on my friend's car , journey to home, my eyes filled with tears...Not crying though, but full of tears...Then just in case my buddy beside me asking me why i'm crying, i'll just say i'm super sleepy ady lar...T_T...lol...luckily no one asked me, but i knew one guy knew what's i'm really doing..hehe..bt he's not asking anything, so i presume he did not know..haha..The time passed so fast.. already a month we broke-up..Hmm..Still got something i wanna say la..urmm..I've been with her for a month only...Don't you surprised? hehe..Now u guys sure blaming her that she's a kind of playboy..1 month only leh?? Very little ppl that will be together(couple) for such a short time! aiyoyoyo,, pity you la lawrence..being cheated in such a way..Lol..please don't think of that further more..That is because I'm unsuitable for her..i guess? Ask yourself, what you will do when ur GF suddenly said she attracted to a guy? Will you find that guy & beat the shit out of him? Will you keep competing to win her love? Or will you encourage her to pursue that guy? Which will you choose? (well there's definitely got a ton of answers)..What i chosen, i encourage her start to pursue that guy..There is no point to keep begging for a place when there's no space for you anymore..which means, i've been moved out from her heart...or starting moving...at that night..

I wonder when i'll find another girl i like? Which she will like me back and look no other guy except me. Hmm..keep wondering..computer games are for satisfaction not happiness(for me), sports game are just for fun, i want other than a family's love, friendship are to support each other, which also could not really give me the real happiness.. What i'm looking for? Where i should start at? Here? There?  aiya...nvm la..i should cherish the past experience and keep looking forward....That's what i'm always do..Well, to my GF...Thank you for teaching me so many things, in the mysterious world, you taught me basic things to keep me alive..Yet, Good luck with your new target!  And i would like to thank my friend who gave me advice, You helped me alot, even it's bitter experience, i will not be a choosy picker and will take whatever it comes!

Therefore, the bird whom just stayed on a tree's trunk for a moment accidentally dropped down when it saw a snake coming towards it. How unfortunate for it huh...And the flower i waters it everyday now seems it had wilted..Sorry for not able to identify what fertilizers i should put in..

1.24am..LOL,,so late...Bye bye~! May god bless everyone

Tiring day~

11.47 pm (sunday) 18th of april


Hehe, today just got back from genting highlands. Tried many new things such at most of the game at the outdoor. It was fun(cause it's new to me) and also a little bored out when the gang i go with all is coupled. =.=ll..So envy, they could bring them go. T_T..And with some complications occurs, i couldn't bring my own GF go there to have fun. Sorry eh.. ='(..well, at there just to eat is killing ur purse. lols..my last meal costed me about Rm 42.80(included tax) which is scary just for a food and a drink.. At saturday night(while the gang still hang out at indoor games) my mood suddenly changes..from good to bad(but when i face them, i might looks like in a good mood or if they found out, i just say i'm sleepy..lols)...dunno why, suddenly emo dy..-.-ll..sienz..on tat day i slept at around 2.00 a.m +..geng..and at 9 woke up to pack up things..lol..i wonder why nowadays i feel lifeless lo. sigh.. maybe emotional breakdown again, hormones imbalance again(as my friend said..xD =,=ll)..And tomorrow, need to get back on my daily normal life..go to school, tuition, back home & do homework. lol. Another day has passed. So quickly. T_T..I hope i could go to genting again with my GF next time. Hmmph! =P. After examinations, homework filling in. which is good but mostly we used to groan when teacher give homework..lols..hehehe..it's late ! Gonna school tomorrow ! XD Night night...

Quotes : Reap what you've sow. (my friend told me..^^)