Friend

06/11/2010 – 12.26 AM

Aloha guys~! I’m here again! >.  Hmm, shall we start then? I guess we should, many people been complaining about a-too-long-blog.. hahaha I guess this is my style then..blek! XD

This person just recently broke up, this person’s situation is similar to mine, real similar, just still have difference. I guess I should not compare. This person been staying strong for ‘it’s’ loss(sorry, I didn’t mean you’re an animal, just to keep your identity anonymous, xD), just like me. But things are not that easy though, now there’s shield around it, trying it’s best to protect it’s master from hurt anymore. Hehe. I wonder how long you will take to recover? Perhaps this person needs 1 week or 2 week? Or even a year?? Hmm, it’s a hard guess though because even I’m unsure of myself too. Lols! Yerr, everyone does hate the downside, but when there is light, there will have darkness too.

This is a piece of advice from me, hehe, well even though myself can’t even fulfill those advice. If you cry because of this matter, this shows you DO care about that person, regardless of what that person have done to you. Well, tear is the fireworks of love. I wonder when will the fireworks end , where as well as the tears end flowing. Which means finally you’re able to let it go. Sometimes the fireworks are beautiful and sometimes it’s ugly. In this case, the fireworks may be ugly. Hehehe, no offence . whenever you came across that person, it brings you down, like me. lol. I hate that feeling. But I just can’t control over it, just simply can’t. And yet, when it comes across you, you are VERY curious, even though that person has nothing to do with you, in the end, you most probably end up being sad.

          Tried to hate that person, but can’t. Try to forget it, can’t because the images just flowing in my mind without boundaries. And most stupid things is, most of the time I tried to protect her (eg fame, name, person …) which makes me DUMB. Lol.  Well, I hope you will find your soul mate as soon as possible and all the best for you pal! Perhaps this works and perhaps I’m wrong. Correct me please.

~Cupid is Blind~ & ~Mistakes~

1^st November, 2010

5.04 P.M.

Aloha everyone! Here I come! Blog again! xD, but this time doesn’t really looks well though. LoL. Let’s get started then! => .

          Hmm, today I heard from my friend that a guy started to chat with her, thru her facebook wall. Well, once I heard this guess what? I’m again trying to fake out that ‘why the hell I should care?’ but at the end, I couldn’t stop myself asking about the details such as how long he’s been chatting thru her wall. Then I got disappointed of course and also glad at the same time. Why?? I’m glad because she finally able to find another guy who’s way more better than me whom robbed her ‘security’. And then the whole day I couldn’t stop thinking of her. That’s a very sad case.

        Today I even thought of doing something really stupid, and yet I’m going to do it sooner or later. Even though I would say that is simply impossible. Maybe I was just pushing my luck over the edge, I guess. . Well as the topic stated, “cupid is blind” and I do agree to my friend, Aaron said that “Something once broken will never be the same as it used to be no matter how we mend it” Umm, this is so coincidence even though not official yet, that is one of my newly made friends actually at the same church activities with her and obviously other gang, which means, they might be in the same church and even knew each other for a long time. LoL

          And another cases happened in my school, which is my classmates done something that’s very wrong as long as he’s in the school(I mean still studying in the school). It is correct that you unleash all your feelings instead of keeping it shut, and I agree you won’t able to stop yourself from doing anything(E.G scolding) when the anger strikes you. But I don’t really think there’s a point where he unleashes his feelings towards his teacher through a public social network’s website.

          Let’s us put into the shoe of the victim, the teacher. If you’ve already been refraining yourself from doing anything harsh to that person even though that person is wrong for a very long time, and in the results you only get all the harsh scolding from that person regardless of what you’ve done to him, is that what you wanted to get(even though you don’t want anything from him)? My friend is really intelligent, I admit this but this intelligence made him became very arrogance. He even said a very rude things directly towards teacher recently (just stating her name, did not tag it)

          Well, let’s think this rationally, without any offence. If you didn’t turn up your assignment since the beginning of the year, and coincidently the teacher said the results of this examination’s total will be over 90% instead of 100%, where the 10% is from your assignment which most assignment are already been discussed and completed thru discussions. Well, and this student still wants to get his 10% back no matter what(at beginning). In the results, it’s obvious that he would lose the war since he did not even reconsider of doing the teacher’s assignment since the beginning. Yes, I agree that those who got their 10% mark mostly would say that “yeah, we deserved to get it.” And I should not butt in to the case he’s in right now. Including me. But that is not the problem, even the friend of mine who really doesn’t get any bonus mark(assignment mark) from teacher and yet he said the right thing. If you did not pass up your assignment in middle school, how would you wanted to get the bonus mark that’s supposed to given to the “hardworking” student. I’m not on any side but this situation is similar to “teacher, I didn’t do any of your assignment. Give me the full bonus mark”. Well, this sounds funny but it’s the truth. Well, people said that teacher is gone overboard, but why don’t you think of it that you too went overboard? If homework is not important, why does the teachers still giving you lots and lots of assignment to do to waste your time? Why don’t they find a way more better way to help the student? Yes sometimes it’s bias and sometimes it is not.  At this point it’s very clear that I’m against him, but those who are with him is also wrong. Well, let’s try to imagine that we’re in the same case as he did. Here I begin. I didn’t even completed one of her work since she teaches me. Now at the end of the year(form 5)’s trial examination results,my teacher suddenly deduct my 10 marks(which is crucial) just because I didn’t finish my homework. Well, at this point I also will think that the teacher is WENT WAY TOO OVERBOARD just to teach me and the other classmates a lesson of not being passing up homework, without any “warnings”. This case happens when you supposed to get A+ but with deducted marks became only A or when you supposed to get A and you got A- and so on. I do agree that teacher is a cruel to her students but all the responsibilities shouldn’t be blamed on teacher when the students didn’t give a damn for the assignments she gave. Well, this might be karma or teacher wants it “an eye for an eye”

Time

12.11AM  17^th September 2010

Wow, time been passing quite fast huh? Anyway, aloha~!! Hehehe..realizing, it’s already 5 month passed since I broke up with my ex. LoL . That doesn’t sound pretty right? =>. Who will ever remember the date that they’ve broken up? Hahaha, well frankly speaking I don’t, but I do save the essential dates in my phone, =x somewhere. Ahaha, that’s why I said that my phone’s full of secrets, just that you don’t realize. Hehe, please don’t try to find out, It’s ugly. ^^. I’ve been thinking over time.. Recently I keep avoiding myself to be in contact with her, not recently, but right after the broke up. And recently  , (^^) I thought of something that enlightens me up. Really enlightens me up. Which is, “if I couldn’t accept myself, how could I accept the others?”. I asked myself that, and I guess it’s the time to “start this all over again”(derived from the “untitled – simple plan”. I’m hearing that song right now. xD). =>

Well, let’s say up to dates thingy, ^^ if you wish to read more. Hehe. On 15^th September 2010 night, I went to my newly made friend’s birthday party, and the person we’re celebrating with is a girl. I guess it’s an advance birthday party, I’m not certain of that though. Well, obviously you guys will thought of something different, which is I might lay my interests on her, but please don’t do that ya. Because she already had a boyfriend and I wouldn’t ruin their life. I definitely wouldn’t, no matter how beautiful she are. =x (it’s not an offence ya). Well, before I start, I would like to thank his boyfriend whom took all the troubles just to fetch me home, safe and sound. Well surprisingly, he also stay nearby my area. Ahaha, that’s why I said, I won’t lay my interest on his girlfriend. Ahahaha I’m just joking. xD. Well, I do envy that the kind of relationships they had, and I secretly prayed for their eternal bond and happiness during on my way home after party. =x. shh!! Ahaha. Well guess what? Her boyfriend gave her a phone( SE w990 if not mistaken) as a present !! OMG!! It’s so nice. ^^

Hmm, I guess I’ve nothing to say eh, since this time is not really sad post. Ehehe, since I thought my blog would be the post of my dissatisfaction or sadness or something related to it. Well, I guess you’ll find it little for a quite light mood posts I had. Then see ya next time. Oyasumi ! =x

12.29 AM 17^th September 2010

Anxiety

10/09/2010 1.35 a.m.

Aloha~! I’m sorry ya, so long did not blog again..hehehe..shall we start? xD..Yer, yesterday I went to times square with my friend to have some fun out there..Well, it’s quite fun I would say that and also quite bad for my own sake. ^^. Anything’s fine but the worse thing is, jealousy is keep attacking me since both my friends I knew there are coupled and they seems quite compatible to each other, I really do envy that. ^^. Well, just in case you’re the person whom I’m talking and came across this, please don’t put in your mind and just keep it to yourself; this is just my temporary expression. Hehehe. Well, it’s not only looking them made me jealous, well, those coupled strangers also made me extremely jealous, making me remind of my “nice and pain” past. Well, got one thing that is quite lame , that is, my friend’s friend keeps jumping the song’s queue until I couldn’t sing much song, but that’s okay, I don’t really mind that. =>. I really felt that I’m crazy or what, still can’t let go this pain. Since that is already past. The anxiety of grabbing the hand of your loved ones is something that is very new and mysterious to me, where I did not hold her hands for my past love. This anxiety keep torturing me for months, as I’m craves to know that all sorts of things or feelings that I can feel when I’m holding the hand of my loved one. Well, right now is obviously no chance for me but I hope that I can attain that sensations as soon as possible, I’m dying for it! >.

I guess the only way for me to forget her is to get a new one, a new replacement. This place used to be a great source of energy that allows me to do anything. And now it’s all gone, leaving big scars behind it. But the matter is who will attain my trustworthy and moves my heart once again? Who? -.-ll. I realize that recently I could even more hardly to share my things around, as I don’t really believe anyone right now. Not even one, entirely. Who will step into my life again? I keep wondering as time passes. But well, if you just keep wondering and not putting any efforts in it is also useless, nothing will be gained without an effort.

Well, last Monday I went for sing karaoke with my two best friends. That day really hurts my feeling as they keep modifying the song’s lyrics and keep mentioning her. In the beginning it was fine, but in the very end I really couldn’t hold myself anymore, as that song they sang keep repeat the name of her and repeat since the lyrics also do the same but to different person. So both of my best friends keep teasing me with various kind of song until the last song, which made me very^3 moody until I thought of going home straight, ignoring them. Well, that song really drew my tears out, I’m still trying my best to hold my tear off. But it’s just flow. The sensation of having a big cry is there for me, but I couldn’t do that, I need to keep it to all myself! I don’t want made others worry about me anymore, so every day I keep insisting that I had to make a fake smile when I’m not smiling naturally to let them least suspicious towards me. well, one of my best friend scolded me regardless of my stupidity. Yeah, I’m stupid, I admit. Sometimes I do thought of I’ll rather the become the stupid one again. =<. You just don’t know how much you meant for me. Please don’t pity me, I don’t worth it.

~~~END~~~~2.26am

Quotes : The words are easy to say, but the wounds are hard to heal. If I can atone my mistakes by just a say, I don't think everyone will need a time to heal

The wallpaper that I've edited

My first wallpaper i edited(without any extra tools)

My second wallpaper that I've edited(with extra tools)... ^^

A big difference huh? XD

Headache

10/07/2010 – 11.59 P.M.

      Aloha guys~!~! Kombawa~ Good evening! XD..Hmm.. I didn’t expect to write another new post geh…but somehow I feel I wanted to do it. ^^..Today, I went to work with my brother at his workplace lo.. Suddenly feeling wanna go to work today because I think it’s due to some egoism that I had earlier on, which is yesterday(Friday) when I went to my brother’s workshop to wait him to fetch me home.. O.O>? Is the first expression when I saw him, my cousin. Lol.. he also came to work on that day as well~! How surprisingly!! Haha..maybe that’s why I wanted to work today. ^^

      Hmm, when I’m home, I somehow like indirectly think of that issue.. That my cousin going to work everyday (since last time he got some family problems, he’s not going to school for some time. It’s all because of his sister. I really do hate her). And now, I think and think and think, wondering that is he now better than me? Is he performing better than me?(and many more) O M G~! Then that might a point I feeling wanted to go to work at first , I did not go there work for quite a time..second, I wanted to check him out(to compare those thoughts I have thought.).

      Hehe, how selfish am I. =X. Well, the result is, he went there just for few days only(which means he started to learn), in these few days he did not learn much(perhaps of his status-conscious too, like don’t want to hear advice or thought he’s at least more powerful than other employee), and he did not hesitate to say a vulgar words. Lols..How busybody am I ya..haha..One more thing..this is funny..xD..When I go buy lunch with him, we ordered ‘chicken rice’. He ordered a normal 1 and so do I. But the difference in the early stage is he straight order extra rice(a big one)..lol..then I keep thinking until I ordered the same thing. Haha…that is obviously ‘ego’..something like, you can eat so much why can’t i? hahaha…

      The best result I gain today is, I got a headache on the evening..Maybe I didn’t eat for the evening session or thinking too much + did not have an enough sleep. XD..Now I at least glad that my cousin did not follow his sis’s footsteps (MAYBE only, he might be the spy of my family, for her sis who ran away from home.) and I really hope that his sis will wake up as soon as possible from her ‘blind’ love.

Love is blind. I do admit it. I do knew that my ex was somehow a ‘playboy’(I dunno what’s called for female..^^) but I still believe her that she’s not. Not until she leaves me that night. Well, all her friends that knew me said that I’m really DUMB to choose her. That’s why when the one clarifies clearly that they’re leaving you, you will finally open your eyes. Those statement does not mean I very hate my ex, instead, I would like to say ‘THANK YOU’ again for teaching me so much thing from the beginning till the end. It’s just that I’m not the right candidate for her after spending time together for some time. =) Thanks ya. ^^

Well, if I’m not sleeping ASAP, I will have a big trouble tomorrow since I need to wake up early(at least not after afternoon..xD..then you know what that ‘early’ means,,xD) to prepare myself to revise with my best friend! Haha.. Oyasumi nasai minna! Good night everyone!  Don’t miss me ya~! =P

Quotes : When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them. - Confucious.

12.30 A.M – 11^th JUNE 2010.

Feeling a little bit disappointing.

07/07/2010 – Wednesday. 9.05 P.M.

Aloha guys~!! Hehe, I’m back! ^^..Well, what’s wrong with the title? Hehe, well actually, yesterday morning I just got to know that today’s public duty (for St. John Ambulance) has been canceled due to unknown/unclear reason. Well, that was disappointing cause just because for today’s public duty, I wasted quite a money just for transport to Carefour to get the freaking “name tag” which is needed for that kind of duty..Well, that dealer is also a problem..From my perspective, he don’t give a damn about my order until I said, “it’s urgent”..Then he started to call the guy whom is making the name tag of mine and saying that the next day(yesterday) the tag will arrive. Man it’s disappointing & I saw through his sarcasm when he tried to convince me that he’d called the guy last time, but not yet done. Well, now I’ve got my name tag and I should be grateful too.

Hmm, today at my school rained cats and dogs until my class’s electricity got cut off because of the frequent growling lightning from the sky..LOLs..It’s was frightening because for the first strike, I saw my friend jumped and I jumped too(because he made me jumped..haha)…Not long after that, my mood started to change.. I certainly dislike this mood and I tried to be as cheerful as possible and ignore that cruel mood. Well, it just won’t wear off because maybe the lightning made me remembered some bitter past, I guess. Well, one more thing.. =). I’m really happy that I helped my friend (by wishing) that (his/her)’s (GF/BF) will treat (him/her) as usual since there is some conflicts between them and right after my wish thru the MSN, (his/her)’s (GF/BF) somehow like immediately treat (him/her) as usual. ^^. Well, it’s magical for me or perhaps that my wish is really sincere. T_T.

Now I’ve done the 2^nd wallpaper editing and I’m quite satisfied with the current level I’m in right now. Thanks to my friend, who supplied me extra things for the photo editing, without him, my wallpaper would be suck as usual. XD. Well, I’ve nothing to say right now already. Hehe . Good Luck everyone on pursuing their goals! Gambateh ! Hwaiting ! Jia you !  =)