Time

12.11AM  17^th September 2010

Wow, time been passing quite fast huh? Anyway, aloha~!! Hehehe..realizing, it’s already 5 month passed since I broke up with my ex. LoL . That doesn’t sound pretty right? =>. Who will ever remember the date that they’ve broken up? Hahaha, well frankly speaking I don’t, but I do save the essential dates in my phone, =x somewhere. Ahaha, that’s why I said that my phone’s full of secrets, just that you don’t realize. Hehe, please don’t try to find out, It’s ugly. ^^. I’ve been thinking over time.. Recently I keep avoiding myself to be in contact with her, not recently, but right after the broke up. And recently  , (^^) I thought of something that enlightens me up. Really enlightens me up. Which is, “if I couldn’t accept myself, how could I accept the others?”. I asked myself that, and I guess it’s the time to “start this all over again”(derived from the “untitled – simple plan”. I’m hearing that song right now. xD). =>

Well, let’s say up to dates thingy, ^^ if you wish to read more. Hehe. On 15^th September 2010 night, I went to my newly made friend’s birthday party, and the person we’re celebrating with is a girl. I guess it’s an advance birthday party, I’m not certain of that though. Well, obviously you guys will thought of something different, which is I might lay my interests on her, but please don’t do that ya. Because she already had a boyfriend and I wouldn’t ruin their life. I definitely wouldn’t, no matter how beautiful she are. =x (it’s not an offence ya). Well, before I start, I would like to thank his boyfriend whom took all the troubles just to fetch me home, safe and sound. Well surprisingly, he also stay nearby my area. Ahaha, that’s why I said, I won’t lay my interest on his girlfriend. Ahahaha I’m just joking. xD. Well, I do envy that the kind of relationships they had, and I secretly prayed for their eternal bond and happiness during on my way home after party. =x. shh!! Ahaha. Well guess what? Her boyfriend gave her a phone( SE w990 if not mistaken) as a present !! OMG!! It’s so nice. ^^

Hmm, I guess I’ve nothing to say eh, since this time is not really sad post. Ehehe, since I thought my blog would be the post of my dissatisfaction or sadness or something related to it. Well, I guess you’ll find it little for a quite light mood posts I had. Then see ya next time. Oyasumi ! =x

12.29 AM 17^th September 2010

Anxiety

10/09/2010 1.35 a.m.

Aloha~! I’m sorry ya, so long did not blog again..hehehe..shall we start? xD..Yer, yesterday I went to times square with my friend to have some fun out there..Well, it’s quite fun I would say that and also quite bad for my own sake. ^^. Anything’s fine but the worse thing is, jealousy is keep attacking me since both my friends I knew there are coupled and they seems quite compatible to each other, I really do envy that. ^^. Well, just in case you’re the person whom I’m talking and came across this, please don’t put in your mind and just keep it to yourself; this is just my temporary expression. Hehehe. Well, it’s not only looking them made me jealous, well, those coupled strangers also made me extremely jealous, making me remind of my “nice and pain” past. Well, got one thing that is quite lame , that is, my friend’s friend keeps jumping the song’s queue until I couldn’t sing much song, but that’s okay, I don’t really mind that. =>. I really felt that I’m crazy or what, still can’t let go this pain. Since that is already past. The anxiety of grabbing the hand of your loved ones is something that is very new and mysterious to me, where I did not hold her hands for my past love. This anxiety keep torturing me for months, as I’m craves to know that all sorts of things or feelings that I can feel when I’m holding the hand of my loved one. Well, right now is obviously no chance for me but I hope that I can attain that sensations as soon as possible, I’m dying for it! >.

I guess the only way for me to forget her is to get a new one, a new replacement. This place used to be a great source of energy that allows me to do anything. And now it’s all gone, leaving big scars behind it. But the matter is who will attain my trustworthy and moves my heart once again? Who? -.-ll. I realize that recently I could even more hardly to share my things around, as I don’t really believe anyone right now. Not even one, entirely. Who will step into my life again? I keep wondering as time passes. But well, if you just keep wondering and not putting any efforts in it is also useless, nothing will be gained without an effort.

Well, last Monday I went for sing karaoke with my two best friends. That day really hurts my feeling as they keep modifying the song’s lyrics and keep mentioning her. In the beginning it was fine, but in the very end I really couldn’t hold myself anymore, as that song they sang keep repeat the name of her and repeat since the lyrics also do the same but to different person. So both of my best friends keep teasing me with various kind of song until the last song, which made me very^3 moody until I thought of going home straight, ignoring them. Well, that song really drew my tears out, I’m still trying my best to hold my tear off. But it’s just flow. The sensation of having a big cry is there for me, but I couldn’t do that, I need to keep it to all myself! I don’t want made others worry about me anymore, so every day I keep insisting that I had to make a fake smile when I’m not smiling naturally to let them least suspicious towards me. well, one of my best friend scolded me regardless of my stupidity. Yeah, I’m stupid, I admit. Sometimes I do thought of I’ll rather the become the stupid one again. =<. You just don’t know how much you meant for me. Please don’t pity me, I don’t worth it.

~~~END~~~~2.26am

Quotes : The words are easy to say, but the wounds are hard to heal. If I can atone my mistakes by just a say, I don't think everyone will need a time to heal

The wallpaper that I've edited

My first wallpaper i edited(without any extra tools)

My second wallpaper that I've edited(with extra tools)... ^^

A big difference huh? XD

Headache

10/07/2010 – 11.59 P.M.

      Aloha guys~!~! Kombawa~ Good evening! XD..Hmm.. I didn’t expect to write another new post geh…but somehow I feel I wanted to do it. ^^..Today, I went to work with my brother at his workplace lo.. Suddenly feeling wanna go to work today because I think it’s due to some egoism that I had earlier on, which is yesterday(Friday) when I went to my brother’s workshop to wait him to fetch me home.. O.O>? Is the first expression when I saw him, my cousin. Lol.. he also came to work on that day as well~! How surprisingly!! Haha..maybe that’s why I wanted to work today. ^^

      Hmm, when I’m home, I somehow like indirectly think of that issue.. That my cousin going to work everyday (since last time he got some family problems, he’s not going to school for some time. It’s all because of his sister. I really do hate her). And now, I think and think and think, wondering that is he now better than me? Is he performing better than me?(and many more) O M G~! Then that might a point I feeling wanted to go to work at first , I did not go there work for quite a time..second, I wanted to check him out(to compare those thoughts I have thought.).

      Hehe, how selfish am I. =X. Well, the result is, he went there just for few days only(which means he started to learn), in these few days he did not learn much(perhaps of his status-conscious too, like don’t want to hear advice or thought he’s at least more powerful than other employee), and he did not hesitate to say a vulgar words. Lols..How busybody am I ya..haha..One more thing..this is funny..xD..When I go buy lunch with him, we ordered ‘chicken rice’. He ordered a normal 1 and so do I. But the difference in the early stage is he straight order extra rice(a big one)..lol..then I keep thinking until I ordered the same thing. Haha…that is obviously ‘ego’..something like, you can eat so much why can’t i? hahaha…

      The best result I gain today is, I got a headache on the evening..Maybe I didn’t eat for the evening session or thinking too much + did not have an enough sleep. XD..Now I at least glad that my cousin did not follow his sis’s footsteps (MAYBE only, he might be the spy of my family, for her sis who ran away from home.) and I really hope that his sis will wake up as soon as possible from her ‘blind’ love.

Love is blind. I do admit it. I do knew that my ex was somehow a ‘playboy’(I dunno what’s called for female..^^) but I still believe her that she’s not. Not until she leaves me that night. Well, all her friends that knew me said that I’m really DUMB to choose her. That’s why when the one clarifies clearly that they’re leaving you, you will finally open your eyes. Those statement does not mean I very hate my ex, instead, I would like to say ‘THANK YOU’ again for teaching me so much thing from the beginning till the end. It’s just that I’m not the right candidate for her after spending time together for some time. =) Thanks ya. ^^

Well, if I’m not sleeping ASAP, I will have a big trouble tomorrow since I need to wake up early(at least not after afternoon..xD..then you know what that ‘early’ means,,xD) to prepare myself to revise with my best friend! Haha.. Oyasumi nasai minna! Good night everyone!  Don’t miss me ya~! =P

Quotes : When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them. - Confucious.

12.30 A.M – 11^th JUNE 2010.

Feeling a little bit disappointing.

07/07/2010 – Wednesday. 9.05 P.M.

Aloha guys~!! Hehe, I’m back! ^^..Well, what’s wrong with the title? Hehe, well actually, yesterday morning I just got to know that today’s public duty (for St. John Ambulance) has been canceled due to unknown/unclear reason. Well, that was disappointing cause just because for today’s public duty, I wasted quite a money just for transport to Carefour to get the freaking “name tag” which is needed for that kind of duty..Well, that dealer is also a problem..From my perspective, he don’t give a damn about my order until I said, “it’s urgent”..Then he started to call the guy whom is making the name tag of mine and saying that the next day(yesterday) the tag will arrive. Man it’s disappointing & I saw through his sarcasm when he tried to convince me that he’d called the guy last time, but not yet done. Well, now I’ve got my name tag and I should be grateful too.

Hmm, today at my school rained cats and dogs until my class’s electricity got cut off because of the frequent growling lightning from the sky..LOLs..It’s was frightening because for the first strike, I saw my friend jumped and I jumped too(because he made me jumped..haha)…Not long after that, my mood started to change.. I certainly dislike this mood and I tried to be as cheerful as possible and ignore that cruel mood. Well, it just won’t wear off because maybe the lightning made me remembered some bitter past, I guess. Well, one more thing.. =). I’m really happy that I helped my friend (by wishing) that (his/her)’s (GF/BF) will treat (him/her) as usual since there is some conflicts between them and right after my wish thru the MSN, (his/her)’s (GF/BF) somehow like immediately treat (him/her) as usual. ^^. Well, it’s magical for me or perhaps that my wish is really sincere. T_T.

Now I’ve done the 2^nd wallpaper editing and I’m quite satisfied with the current level I’m in right now. Thanks to my friend, who supplied me extra things for the photo editing, without him, my wallpaper would be suck as usual. XD. Well, I’ve nothing to say right now already. Hehe . Good Luck everyone on pursuing their goals! Gambateh ! Hwaiting ! Jia you !  =)

Surprisingly..

16 JUNE 2010 (10.22PM)

Aloha~!Kombawa~! Anyeongsaeyo~! Ni hao~!  I’m here again! Hehe.. psps la that my blog is like an essay..hehe..Hmm..Tonight was a little surprising..Why I said that? My brother brought his GF to my house to eat dinner!!That time I just woke up,so I don’t feel anything special.. Then when I almost walked out of my room, I saw my brother’s friend(I don’t really know that girl is his GF since I’m blurring.xD)..So I just keep staying in my room to try to get to online(arghh…Damn line..getting worser nowadays..T_T) but failed..Then I started to think..How come my brother only bring 1 guest and female some more? Hohoho..Something’s not right(started to suspect that girl is his GF)..then I overheard my relatives conversation…Then *pop!* in my mind…So that is his GF…Surprisingly neh…Diam diam ubi berisi huh? >.<..Thinking of GF issue I immediately felt SAD! Sigh..Buden I would not say to my brother that “ DON’T TAKE GF LA..NO GOOD..SURE END WITH TEARS DE..” ..lols..even I stayed with my brother everyday, yet I still don’t know his personal things..lol..what a disgrace.. =x..

One question:

1)      Right now, think. Whom you CURRENTLY like?( please ignore the anti love or something. Just think, nowadays what made you feel so interested on that particular guy/girl)?

2)      If you can’t think of it, think again(=X), when somebody’s name being said(please opposite sex ya..) do you [immediately/tried to] look on the source of the sound and tried to figure out what’re they saying about?

3)      If you do, then I bet you’ve a little interest on him/her..Doesn’t matter how MUCH interest you’ve laid on that person right now.

4)      If so, then go after it. Don’t wait until the opportunities is expired..Do it slow and steady, I bet everyone doesn’t like an annoying fella keep disturbing his/her personal time..hahaha

5)      Ask him/her out(don’t too frequent, cause will burn ur purse out =P). Try to understand that person bit by bit. Argue with him/her(quite fun you know when you’re debating with the 1 u liked )

6)      Do something to pick his/her attention(don’t too obvious, don’t let the person know you have an interest on that person so that you guys will keep do the usual thing)..

7)      Have some special secrets between you(make sure you DO believe that person). I guess that’s fun..haha..cause nobody will understand what you guys talking when onto that particular topic..XD

I’m a guy who easy to fall in love but hard to fall out of love..Thats why who mess with me will got messed..LOL..Just kidding..I keep wondering…Who will walk into my life, AGAIN? T_T..Just like the song “I just haven’t met you yet – Michael buble”.. =>..which will make me more relieved..hahaha..i’m lame.

A little bit lifeless..^^

03/june/2010 12.44am..

Aloha guys~! Hehe, i'm back again..but nothing special la..just needed to express my feelings? LOL.. If you knew me then just read and forget them, not worth to remember it, even those who did not knew me. hehe..Well, last month night, on the great night(it's called IU night) near ending of the IU night, i broke up with my gf .... Aiyoyoyo~! So noob de lu. Lols.. ya lo..i could not lock her heart huh? XD .. Well i guess yeap...Hmm...On the night, as i viewed surrounding me, everyone is very happily shouting to the models(On that time is fashion show)...While as i'm opening the message and read, I'm stunned for a while, and when i wanted to reply, was halfway typing, a friend saw me keep on texting and he messaged me to ignore the 'texting' awhile and enjoy the show just for a moment..Then so be it..I was 'watching' the fashion show, with some 'cheerfully' face...shouting for no reason, maybe that time is very very noisy until i had the opportunity to shout as hard as i could..maybe to release my tension ? LoL! aiyo,in the msg she told me she think(not confirmed) she liked other guy, and might leave me soon..just might...Thats the time when i'm really stunned, don't know what to do... Man? Is this my own delusion? Is she just kidding me? Then i tried to look away( i observe the surrounding) and look back to my message again..Man! This ain't going away ! This has to be true! Omg!! sigh ~ The long awaited time...to be hurt again....My mood gone down tremendously while my physical body do the opposite... Well, then i reply her message to declare a break up..an end between us...Now you guys sure thought i'm a playboy...declare break-up like drinking a cup of water..lol..Sigh, I wanted to tell her this "I let you go because i love you, i don't want my beloved to be unhappy while being with me and i really wish you happiness with your new guy" (i hope he treats you better than me).. but i think that was unnecessary even though that's what i really meant it...lol...When i'm on my friend's car , journey to home, my eyes filled with tears...Not crying though, but full of tears...Then just in case my buddy beside me asking me why i'm crying, i'll just say i'm super sleepy ady lar...T_T...lol...luckily no one asked me, but i knew one guy knew what's i'm really doing..hehe..bt he's not asking anything, so i presume he did not know..haha..The time passed so fast.. already a month we broke-up..Hmm..Still got something i wanna say la..urmm..I've been with her for a month only...Don't you surprised? hehe..Now u guys sure blaming her that she's a kind of playboy..1 month only leh?? Very little ppl that will be together(couple) for such a short time! aiyoyoyo,, pity you la lawrence..being cheated in such a way..Lol..please don't think of that further more..That is because I'm unsuitable for her..i guess? Ask yourself, what you will do when ur GF suddenly said she attracted to a guy? Will you find that guy & beat the shit out of him? Will you keep competing to win her love? Or will you encourage her to pursue that guy? Which will you choose? (well there's definitely got a ton of answers)..What i chosen, i encourage her start to pursue that guy..There is no point to keep begging for a place when there's no space for you anymore..which means, i've been moved out from her heart...or starting moving...at that night..

I wonder when i'll find another girl i like? Which she will like me back and look no other guy except me. Hmm..keep wondering..computer games are for satisfaction not happiness(for me), sports game are just for fun, i want other than a family's love, friendship are to support each other, which also could not really give me the real happiness.. What i'm looking for? Where i should start at? Here? There?  aiya...nvm la..i should cherish the past experience and keep looking forward....That's what i'm always do..Well, to my GF...Thank you for teaching me so many things, in the mysterious world, you taught me basic things to keep me alive..Yet, Good luck with your new target!  And i would like to thank my friend who gave me advice, You helped me alot, even it's bitter experience, i will not be a choosy picker and will take whatever it comes!

Therefore, the bird whom just stayed on a tree's trunk for a moment accidentally dropped down when it saw a snake coming towards it. How unfortunate for it huh...And the flower i waters it everyday now seems it had wilted..Sorry for not able to identify what fertilizers i should put in..

1.24am..LOL,,so late...Bye bye~! May god bless everyone