~SPM result~

27 / 3 / 2010. 11.54AM.

         Wow, on the SPM examination days, I didn't got what I wanted.. Well, it's real disappointing furthermore I heard this sopo got straight A's..zz..Well I'm happy for her, but i'm gek sam in myself..Yea, I didn't get my results.. What I got is 2A 1A- 2B+ 2B 1C+ 1C... Hey, my results just almost the same with you..and mine is bit worser than you.. You think I don't have pressure on it? my family..My study..In the ns time I already have a VERY long thoughts of wanna continue study or not...EVEN before the results came out..I just ignored the results for a while..and i think,..Should or shouldn't i to continue to further study? Cause my parents keep encouraging me to straight go for my family business.. and i'm already laid a pressure by them on my shoulder.. it's okay, cause i'm the one to decide my future..They just kind of 'disturber', sorry no offence. something like a disturber sent by god itself.. and in the ns period, i've decided to straight work, regardless of what my results would be... Yeah, this decision is tough cause i'll need to face the real adult world, full of corruption and other things.. well, you can say that i don't values the results i've got, but in fact i really do gek sam..Why my trial exam i got 5A's and in real SPM examination I got worser? shouldn't it be better than trial results? cause trial exam are harder than SPM exam..Why?

            To ni. I know you know whom I subjected to. I really frustrated when i read your blog saying those comments in your fb is all nonsense... Hey, if really nonsense, why would i waste my time and cracking my brain? at the time after i read your notes in fb, to be frank i have a sincere feeling to 'tam' you, regardless it's NONSENSE for you..I didn't even thought of that you'll say that my comments are all nonsense..Yeah i admit i terasa,.. Cause i'm the only one who wrote the longest comment in your note..I REALLY Frustrated when you treat me AS NOT A FRIEND but a kind of STUPID people wanders on your profile and leaving stupid idiots comments.... did you ever feel what i felt? did you ever think there is people who got worser than you in SPM results whom wish to strives higher? Did you think i didn't put all my hard works for my SPM? If i didn't, what for I went for tuition wasting my money and time, went for many many group studies wasting my time and also money, what for i go to school to learn something? I know that you're really sad and couldn't think a better way..But do you know that my bro and sis only got an A and 2 A for SPM respectively? And now do you know how much they achieved? They didn't give up as you do..Cause they take this as a CHALLENGE for them. What about you? Yeah, getting straight A's or 7A above have many benefits... In a sense that family will happy for you, able to get scholarships or even sponsorship, easier to get in college and what's more? I'm frustrated.

           And now i've decide to take business course, finance and investment which is a last minute change of plan..And ni, i really hates that when you didn't value our friendship..Maybe i'm the one whom doesn't value yours first, and here i'm sorry. You'll sure won't accept my apology, but as friend of yours, i'm sorry on what i've done to you that you thought it's bad for you... And yeah, being pessimistic all the time would poison your body ni.. Can't everyone stay focus on what's good in themselves? why must us compare to each other like it's a must to do? (*)Why must we matters so much as other people's saying and thoughts? yea i still could not let go the point ;(*)...but i'm trying my best to change...to become a better one..for my family, and myself... Well , calm down.

PLKN Ends yesterday.

7.34 AM. 
          huhu, finally no more ns le~ for me la since it's over..^^..Well in ns, on the first month and few weeks, everything's just class class & class..-.-ll..it's okay, just always need to line up like kindergarten kids under the hot sun...one line by one line went into the class..-.-ll..in there i learned about character building, about our country and many more GUA, since i don't remember haha...since it's over le, i shouldn't be remembering every lesson lol.. bleh~ and yea, I'm already used to the life in there after a week..Geng leh! XD..But one thing i hate and wonder the most is why my camp, 1st batch, is full of 'smart' guys? especially the malay guys, keep causing trouble..maybe too nakal le ha,..till when went overboard = fight..lols..so many innocent guys & sometime girls got punished for no reason..altogether.. zz... at there of course i played with the gun m16, but it's kind of normal la, the feeling of shooting... just have a little bit of back thrust only..no more special than that..maybe the stink smell of the heated gunpowder and the loud sound produced from the gun..^^..


        The foods given there are in small portion..I understand that they need to allocate the food they cook just enough for 300+ trainess..but everyday in the end, there will be quite a number of foods left untouched..so basically logical if you wan more 'lauk', take a time to bath first, and go out eat..at that time not much people will be taking foods and you'll be considered as the last few trainess gonna take foods from them, of course they will give more than you imagined cause you'll see how much food left... The bad side is, even though they kind of work for years, but they still unable to estimate the number of foods gonna be given to the trainees each..sienz..haha.. And yea,  you'll have to sleep with 20+ peoples under a roof... so if you better not to have some bad problems with the guy stays with you cause they won't change your place anymore once it's decided..lol..every wednesday will come the buddha teacher teaching us..hmm, i can say i concentrated all the time de ok? XD...just that about 98% of the population in the class doesn't give a damn about it..pity them,,they just wasted a golden chance to get even more information,,lol..


     Then arh, in my camp you'll have many many role call in a day..cause they might be scared that someone will gone missing..haha..and yea, luckily my camp didn't have marching every afternoon. phew~ XD plus my camp always late give out phone de lo every saturday..T_T..sien lar like that,,cannot sms longer neh~  but now no worries, i'm free! Speaking of free, for me there is not much freedom for me..XD..maybe i just doesn't really like the course though..and yea, you have the right to not to do certain physical activity in my camp there...maybe thats just good..xD..but i did all the activity in there without backing up..bleh! xD i'm brave what..wakakaka self-conscious pulak..haha..


     And yea, psps neh for yesterday cause it is a rush outing lol...made you very tired neh i knew, but i glad to see you yesterday..=D..as healthy as always! ^^..and sorry neh for today, couldn't go out with you..there is pros and cons about this..i thought of it quite a time ba..^^..good thing is you able to rest more for the day since you got workings and all that from previous day, so it's sometime good for you to relax awhile in a day.. plus yesterday after having driving lesson straightaway need to go out again..it's kind of stress for you neh in my opinion..hehe...bad thing is i couldn't meet ya today lu~ T_T, caused of my carelessness in planning my schedules, i ruined it..=.=ll..well, i'm still very happy to meet you yesterday, the first day i'm back from my course..^^

Last day of 2010.

11.10 PM        31/12/2010

       Aloha guys!! Today is the last day of year 2010! How fast the time passes through ya. Not even realized it, I've already gone through stressful year and sat SPM examination. WoW. Fast. So today I went outing with SB. Sorry eh, that I didn't invite you along again. =X. Many things happened today, and a bad omen already shown to me in this early morning where I went to pick SB up. Which is, a little girl suddenly cried when she and her two elder bro(in my perception) either jog or run halfway through. I have no idea why, but the girl just cried. NO idea. Well, maybe that's just so coincidence. Ignoring that, we just continue go to the place we intend to go. Once we reach there, first thing is we went to find cinema..LoL, I too long didn't go there le, bit forgotten where is the cinema, but I still remember the images of the cinema's surroundings.. Lucky me perhaps? xD.  But in the end I still have no choice but to look onto the map they provided. And then we found em. And get our tickets..lols

       After collection tickets, we walk aimlessly finding restaurant to eat.. LoL! Stupid dao. Want eat what also don't know meh? LOL.. XD.. So I just simply pick the restaurant name and we just go there to have our meals. =D..The environment in the restaurant is bit cold, but that's okay. Except one thing, that is both of us ordered Ice Blended drink. LOL!! You should know what happens next. Which is, the drink made our body feels very cold especially me, I shiver the most and very obvious..Hahaha...In the middle of meal, we heard baby cried again..What a bad omen to me..Hmmph!! After meal, time's up for movie! Which is Death Bell 2(18). A psychotic movie I would say, not a horror movie though.. At first I was worried that I unable to pass through the tickets collector when we going in. But we just passed through em like we're already adults..haha We just 17 years old! XD Lucky us.. In the end of the movie, they showed us some 'behind the scene' in that movie. Which is REALLY hilarious lol. The actor just simply apply the 'CPR' on the girl he wants to save, in a quick way that looks very funny..hahaha..

       After finished the movie, we kind of unsatisfied that we didn't really get a real shock from the 'horror' movie. So we go for second movie, which is 'My Ex : Haunted Lover(18)'. In the first movie we didn't really cuddled but just little bit of leaning to each other. In the second movie we started to cuddled together and the seat we've took is quite near to the screen till the sound released by the speaker is quite loud lol.. Swt thing was, in most scene the movie didn't actually frightened me(sure will a little, but not that much), but in most 'crucial'(where the movie will scare you off) scene, SB just shocked, shocked and shocked, which made me actually 'shocked' too..=.=ll..LOL..Geng la u, can shock me..hahaha...That movie is not bad compared to the first movie we went...So fast it's evening already. So we took our dinner at there too, then we started to head back. We walked slowly, slowly cause don't really wanted to go back that early. Cause today is our last day outing in year 2010. And this Sunday I need to go for NS already. We just VERY 'bu she de' each other's company. VERY.>.

            So we sat at the monorail station for quite long, intended to miss quite a number of monorail there. We just want to stay to each other's side longer. But somebody had to break the ice and declare to continue our journey to home. And so SB did. Cause it's quite late already back then, I'm so sorry that I didn't actually cared your consequences of being home late. So sorry for that. So after we got down from monorail and got up in a public bus that heading home, in the middle journey of going back home where we're still in a public bus, I found coins twice LOL which is 5cents and 20 cents..LOL YENG siaa..xD I'm Lucky! =D. Then we reached SB's nearby house, and we got down from the bus. I walk with SB slowly and slowly, took a very long bridge and we hugged there. And so we continue our journey to SB's house. Slowly walk and walk and walk. I don't know you did or not, but I've tried my best to hold on my tear from flowing back then. Just don't want to see your sad face too. >..<.. And so SB went home and I too start my own journey to my own house. On the way to the bus stop, my eye suddenly keep on producing watery tears.. Heartache.. Then before I reached bus stop, I tried my best to stop my tear for a while. But sometimes just flow back and luckily i managed to stop em again. And then I reached my house sound and safe..XD Thats all! RAWR!! Welcome 2011!!! =D

What's wrong with me?

29/12/2010  11.20 PM

      ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's wrong with me? My temper getting worser and worser..My emotion getting more mixed up.. I don't want this. Yet there is a person who's playing with my patience in the link I shared in Facebook. I wonder why. I HATE him since when form 4 or form 5. He was irritating. Yes, he's smart. I do admit. But he keeps annoy me in my fb wall. I couldn't take it anymore..REALLY COULDN'T! Yeah it's fun when you saw you successfully made someone FUCKING pissed off and the person couldn't do anything to you. But why you just can't respect me? Why you can't at least understand my feeling? I'm not your TOY.. I have my emotions too.

      I've already kept silence for most of the time when we fought, literally. But when I think and think and think.. Is this really my fault? There's one case where, I said something I shouldn't to him, Ok thats fine. It's my fault for saying that, but at that time, you asked me to FUCKING repeat that word i said. And the end results is, you somehow GOT pissed off too cause I respected you as friend and i just repeat it, perhaps you can't hear it. Now at that time you said something like 'parent's didn't taught their sons well'...WELL don't tell me your's don't? Is this good to making fun of other parent's name? You good at debate, studies too. But you have weakness too.. I'm literally poor at debate and studies. At least i'm physically healthier than you since you sucks at sports. So what? Do you need to STEP on me every time you have chance? I know I came from the FUCKING last class, is that  the attitude you show to the 'poor little less educated guy'? Is that what you guys DISLIKE the students from last class? I know I STUPID. But PLEASE don't ACT innocent as you've done nothing wrong.. IT'S DAMN IRRITATING!!

      In the recent fb post, I did tell you stop asking me as I really no idea of, but you just wouldn't hear, and keep on asking. Now I've reached the EDGE of my patience.. I'm DAMN PISSED!!!!! So what?? What can I do? NOBODY will really understand nor RESPECT my feeling. It's not that I cannot joke with, but you WENT WAY TOO OVERBOARD every time. All those word you thrown at me is like you said something good. Something that is SOOO innocent. I'm a human too, I have my fragile feelings. You really made me very very very pissed off. And I just can't do anything. Hopeless. Yeah my tears flow as I wrote this post. Cause this time I am REALLY PISSED off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a big laugh then. I HATE YOU! What can I do>? Just being continue toyed by you. Nothing else. I'm no good at words. But those knowledge isn't used to toy or mess or whatever it is to those who have lesser advantages. I HAD ENOUGH! I really hope there would be someone to help me, assists me, back me up....I couldn't take this anymore.. Really couldn't...I had enough...Nobody will be there for me anyways.. Tears~

Confession.

03.01PM  25th of December.

   Oh well, it's quite unexpected for me to post another post that quick, but something happened today. As you know, the title saids all. I was invited by some of the gang on the day before today to come for yam cha just to give them the presents I've forgotten to give them yesterday. And, when they reached the appointed place, something getting weirder and weirder. The atmosphere, situation, emotions and many things.. Then at that time a friend that was sitting next to me typed in her phone, a message form that asking that "do I know what the another girl wanted to say to me later?" Then now I able to guess. Cause if not mistaken, last month that this friend asked me, she told me that this girl likes me. And of course, I'll not believe it, till those words came from her mouth. Finally, she confessed to me. In front of her friends. I was the only guy there. All was girl. By that time she confessed to me, I was like, OMG. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and i kept silent for almost 1 hour(not entirely silent, but it's very obvious that i talk least than i were before she confessed)...zzz...at that time, i just kept smiling, but that doesn't mean i'm happy because finally got a girl confessed to me, but i'm really VERY shocked. I just kept giving everyone a 'fake' smile.

       Now I was guilty, I doesn't want her to cry because of me and I really do hope she could finds a BETTER guy than me. My bad doings doesn't worth for her tears. Well those who reads this post sure ask "why doesn't you accept her? why?". Umm, actually first, currently I like another girl already, and I wouldn't take her as a 'backup' plan just in case anything bad happen. I wouldn't. Second, I didn't know her very well and perhaps she overall personalities doesn't really suits me(I didn't mean she had a bad personalities, but not every lock is accessible by a key). I'm really sorry that I've given you a great disappointment, but I REALLY VERY appreciates your confession and I DO admires your bravery. You're the first one who confessed to me, I really do appreciates it.

     Perhaps it's time for me to pay another visit to the nature. Nature is just the best medication I can ever find, you might not seen it, but the sounds of the nature really do help you solve your problems, even though the nature are not directly speaking to you. It's all understood. Feel the fresh air they gave, feel the calmness they provide, and you'll know what's for the best.  Really thank you R, and sorry. I started to visit nature in this year, so as you can see that before this I also the one who doesn't like to take a walk with nature. Once you walk with them as they surrounding you, You'll know what i'm talking about.

Christmas~~~

10.30 PM  24th of December~


     Aloha guys!! =D Today I have quite much fun with my friends..=D But we soon to be split up into out owns interest of entertainment after we ate together(some eat only, excluding me...but i eat free food!haha). Some choose shopping, some choose cinema. Well, actually today B supposed to go out with another person(C) like normal outing, an one on one date, but B are quite not used to that cause that is B's first time outing with C. Actually quite funny though, =D B are quite nervous about this because B just thought this is just isn't comfortable enough since both will surely awkward to actually strikes up a normal conversation during they met. XD.. Luckily I was also hanging out with my gangs at the same place. When C is arrived, B is getting more and more nervous(in my perception la) to meet C as B REALLY think this is NOT RIGHT! RAWR! hahaha... I reach that place with B together, so as usual we'll hang out together to kill a little bit more time while waiting friends to come...>.


     Well, when C said arrived at the appointed place, we couldn't see C. LOL! So we decided to go to the appointed location. Yet, B couldn't found C. Oh my, really have no fate to meet. LOL.. B said that too..hahaha..So near YET so far..xD.. C is waiting right behind the big Christmas tree and we are looking for C RIGHT in front of the big Christmas tree..LOL!! Then when we met, there'll sure some awkwardness, cause C actually did not planned any activities when outing with B..so do my gang..oh how miserable..hahaha..actually my gang planned something, but due to too many people wants different activities, so we split into smaller groups.. oh well, B, you are quite lucky cause that day my gang was hanging out there too, if not, i wonder how will you handle C and vice versa..wakakakaka...At least you able to reduce your awkwardness with C and have bit more fun when a larger group is together..haha..One bad thing, that is, we went over 3 different places just to survey the prices in karaoke..we've wasted about 1 hour plus just for that..-.-ll..And we ARE quite exhausted just to walk for nothing..Ah, one more thing, is when we switch place from A to B, a young salesman asked me to sign my name and obviously later on will need to buy something from him lar, but I didn't, XD and yet B said I don't know how to write my name..!! =.=lll.. OMGosh, really ZADAO..-.-ll..And when we decided to go back the original place(the starting point where everyone meets), that young salesmen tapped lightly at my shoulder to promote his thing...LOL when the salesman saw my face his face gone O.O??? hahahaha, and we just went away to the starting point..=x..Finally we couldn't get to sing karaoke cause the time is late. So me,B and C went for movie, Narnia : Voyage of the something..haha 


       Well, that movie is quite good I would say, =D. After we finished watch movie, we went for our dinner. Something happened...B and C actually unable to withstand the chili's spicy-ness..AND YET! They ate it, after B took it one, biting em..Wow, so nice..hahaha...finally you got what you want..Nothing happened eh? but after few seconds, something really bad happened.. XD... B could felt the spicy-ness of the chili B ate. XD..zadao, if you know that's a trap, why would you risk yourself ? -.-ll. really make me bit worried lol.. Then we took a walk around the place, aimlessly..hahaha...cause nothing really can be done at that time, it's late...Oh yeah, today I and B met 3 guys(from other country, they are white, haha, and have big muscle..O.O) quite many times..haha..We have fate to met each other aren't we? XD..One worst thing, I forgot to give them Christmas present to some of my gang! RAWR!! How forgetful are you Law? -.-ll..And I even nearly forgotten to give Christmas present to B too..haha, what a relieve that i suddenly REMEMBERED! wohoo! lucky your brain isn't dead yet, Law..wakakaka...On the way back with B, we saw many neon lights hanging on the trees and street..The scenery was sooo beautiful..xD.. Now I guess i'll wait till 12AM and wish everyone i knew MERRY Christmas even though right now i'm quite worn out..T_T..And, One more week. That i'll go to attend national service, for 3 months...Aww, going to be 'botak' le..too bad..hahaha but no worries! My hair will surely grow back, =P. You can only laugh me for a period of time jek..Muahahaha,..xD

Value the present, improvise the past and fight the future

10.28AM 19 December 2010 :

       Aloha guys!! How are you been doing? =D.. I can see that some friend of mine is afraid of engaged into relationship. Like a male friend of mine, he is afraid of confessing his love anymore to the one he liked after having many rejections emotionally and physically in the past. There are also certain cases like mine, got 'severely' hurt in the past, whom are also afraid of engaging a new relationship, because we knew we're kind of incapable. Maybe we're too clingy to the past, and afraid to face the future. I admit it I used to be clingy to the past. Always hoping my last relationship will ever come back to me, but now finally I've moved on. I tried the very best of mine to stand on my feet again last time. And I can say that this is successful. Even though the past 2 days I saw my ex. Well, that was rather very surprising. When i saw her, most of the thing hit me back, the lost love. As in I've been injected some special medicine, whom made once again I very nervous and feeling my knees is going to the ground, strength-less. I immediately 'evacuate' myself from that particular place, but the 'poison' is already inflicted into my body, no matter how far I run away from her.

        I struggles as I walk, breath and stand. By that time, I KEEP convincing that it's already over, live on K.A! And when I was on the way home, my tears came out by it's own, only one drop each from my eye. Maybe that was the last drop of tears I would cry for her. And I'll start to move on my life. I shall not cling to my past. So do you need to do. Nobody wants to cling on their past. No matter what brings us to the future, I believe i will work my hardest to overcome it. Once again, I felt intense heartache after knowing that she is sad. Not because of the lost love. Last time occasionally at night i would cry for her, my ex, my lost love(i know this sounds STUPID but this is what i did). But recently past few months that this 'routine' is getting lesser and lesser. I know one day that this would gonna stop eventually. That i'll stop to cling on her. Stop to hope that she will be around my arms again. I really MISS this intense heartache even though it DOES pain. Welcome back this feeling, I've been waiting you for so long. And now you're back. Really, Welcome back , mysterious feeling.

        Maybe this was too sudden, but right now I've no interests to anyone anymore for another long period of time,as I shall lay no interests in other girl for a long time. I used to like this girl for years last time since i was form 2, but I really don't know i DID have special affection towards her, not until she gets a boyfriend. That time, I could feel something missing. An opportunity. An indirect opportunity she gave me. I've wasted the golden chance. But now I've found another one, a new replacement for both of them. a brand new breath. A new life. New hope. New aim. Even though now you're just like me, clingy to the past, but I shall wait till the days that a new bud is born. And the old one is gone. I hope the flower will born. I shall nurture it, regardless how long I need to care for it, till it blooms. Maybe now   have mixed feeling, but I'll hold on till these two things are separated, and one shall live, the another dies.

Quotes : Value the present, improvise the past and fight the future